Got what it takes, punk?

Close your eyes, you BUGgers out there, and imagine just for a second that you write politics for a mainstream media outlet.

Here’s your dilemma.

Firstly, you’re not fucking dumb so you think Anthony Albanese’s “gaffe” over not knowing the 4 per cent jobless rate was no biggie.

And why? Because you know that rate is a concocted con; fictional fluff plucked out of the arses of Scott Morrison and Josh Frydenberg after both their cloacas had been liberally (pun intended) sprinkled with fairydust.

Because you’re a professional scribe who reads all the material available, you know the Roy Morgan Research puts the real unemployment rate at more than 8.5 per cent and that 60 per cent of Aussies know the 4 per cent figure is bullshit. A workforce data analysis by the OECD puts it around 8 per cent. Respected finance and business commentator Alan Kohler thinks it could be 15 per cent.

Two years of COVID – and we’re still nowhere near out of it – and with so many areas of our economy just starting to recover, you’d have to be a brain-dead moron or an LNP apologist to believe that 4 per cent figure, right?

And, besides, even if the 4 per cent was legitimate, you’d be entitled to think Morrison and his mob leaping onto Albo’s gaffe as a sign Labor can’t manage economies is fucking deadset laughable. And you as a MSM politics scribe wouldn’t give that notion a whiff of oxygen if you had any self-respect, right?

Now, keep your eyes closed and think of the week Smoko Morrison has just had on the hustings.

You’re no fool, right, so logic tells you that some really big fibs have been said – long before Monday, on Monday itself, or both – about the status of Alan “Would you mind staying back and helping me with my briefs?” Tudge in Cabinet, whether he was still on a minister’s salary and probably most important of all, if Smoko doesn’t know what payment we the taxpayers are forking out over some incidents where Tudgey didn’t impale because it’s a private matter, why is Smoko’s nose expanding off-camera?

Then there was the pensioner who gave Smoko both barrels at that Newcastle pub, followed by a visit to a factory shedding Aussie jobs to spruik Aussie jobs and then the shitty, homophobic things Smoko’s captain’s pick for Warringah has said. Very damaging for a bloke already detested by many in his own NSW branch for taking it over, any logical mind would think.

Gosh, where next? Keep those eyes closed now because here comes the big one.

Smoko then rules out a national ICAC! Doubles down and calls the NSW ICAC a kangaroo court. Seeing a federal ICAC is high on voters’ wishlists according to the polls and a key pledge by those teal-coloured indies – not you, Dave Sharma! – in a swag of Liberal seats, it’s all pretty damaging stuff, right?

And then on Easter Thursday, we have Finance Minister Simon Birmingham again pushing the line: why should the government know anything about a secret taxpayer-funded payment being made after a minister did nothing wrong and who will be back in Cabinet – isn’t he already there! – the moment the LNP is returned.

Eyes still shut?

Okay, here’s the tricky bit knowing all that stuff above. Being a fair and reasonable sort of person, you really don’t think the first week has been all disaster for Labor and a breeze for the LNP. Oh, okay, maybe a few minor hickups.

Damn, you might even think, on balance and knowing that all the above is true – that Labor might have even won week one! Heavens above!

But is that what your employer wants to see you write or hear you say?

Take your time and think seriously about this. And please bear in mind in any election where Labor is comfortably ahead in the polls, it’s always been the MSM’s role to tear Labor down to a level playing field to help the LNP win the tight ones. That’s only fair, right?

A solid reason such as that must surely be why the MSM political reporters’ choir (pictured at top) is proudly and loudly singing their brand new hit song: Albo just lost the election on Day One!

Why are they doing that if they know all the stuff you know about how Week One panned out?

And, worse of all, why are some ABC scribes who should fucking well know better still singing lustily while those at Newcorpse and the Peter Costello Heralds are taking a well-earned break to preserve their voices for the long five weeks left to belt out some old election-time favourites?

So what’s your choice going to be, punks? How badly do you want to keep this job as a highly paid MSM politics scribe, huh?

Report that the week’s been a complete disaster for Albanese and Labor and keep your job?

Or tell it as it was and most likely have your employer blow your head clean orf? Or your balls in the very unlikely event that you have any?

Don Gordon-Brown