Dutton defends space speech


Defence Minister Peter Dutton has rejected claims that he was being deliberately alarmist and too political in a speech he delivered yesterday outlining the role of the new Defence Space Command in protecting Australia’s national interests.

Mr Dutton, sporting what he said was the new uniform of the Space Command within the RAAF (main picture),  began his speech to the Air and Space Power Conference in Canberra by loudly screaming “mayday! mayday! mayday!” while using an echo effect on the conference sound system.

At the same time one of his ministerial staffers repeatedly flicked the conference hall lights on and off while hired performers dressed as soldiers from China’s People’s Liberation Army chased about a dozen “civilians” through the hall before cornering and pretending to bayonet them to death before flinging their mock victims’ “intestines” – in reality blood-soaked animal offal – at delegates.

Mr Dutton’s presentation was backed by a PowerPoint display on large screens throughout the hall which constantly screened images of a red wave rolling south from China to swamp Australia.

The bulk of his speech was delivered in Mandarin using a translator which in his introduction the Minister explained to delegates was designed “to get you all accustomed to what life will be like under a brutal godless foreign power”.

Mr Dutton also screened an animation of an imaginary battle on the moon between Chinese spacecraft shooting lasers and an RAAF Defence Space Command vehicle returning fire.

The Defence Minister hastily shut down the video when delegates began loudly exclaiming that the animated RAAF spacecraft appeared to closely resemble an artist’s impression of a proposed new nuclear submarine planned to be acquired under the new AUKUS Pact.

The Defence Minister ended his speech in English with an appeal to all delegates and the wider Australian community to “take a clear-eyed view of the biggest risk posed to our nation” and to “help repel the enemy at our gates”.

“And of course when I talk about the biggest risk and the enemy at our gates I mean the Labor Party,” he said.