PM’s flood visit hits a snag

SYDNEY: A bitterly disappointed Prime Minister has been forced to postpone today’s visit to flood-devastated Lismore in north-eastern NSW after the bullet-proof-enhanced flak jacket he normally wears was found to be far too small to fit him properly and provide maximum protection.

One of Scott Morrison’s aides at Kirribilli House said on the condition of anonymity: “Perhaps the PM had a few too many home-cooked curries while in COVID-19 quarantine?”

The Bug understands that when the PM’s trip to Lismore is finally deemed by military top brass to be able to take place safely, his Army helicopter will remain at an altitude beyond small arms fire or hastily-fashioned shanghai range.