PM’s address a sure-fire hit

SYDNEY: Bursts of rifle fire – believed to be from an F88 Austeyr assault weapon – have been heard from the harbourside lawns at the rear of Kirribilli House as a COVID-19 ravaged Prime Minister Scott Morrison rehearses for a major national-security-pitched speech later today.

It is understood that the PM, dressed in army fatigues (above), will put the Australian Army’s standard assault rifle on automatic and let off a series of prolonged bursts at crucial times during his speech to reinforce the dangerous international times facing the nation and the urgent need for his strong, anti-Russia, anti-China government to be reelected in May for everyone’s safety and sake.

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SYDNEY: Should Prime Minister Scott Morrison have the time during today’s major defence policy and national security speech – he also wants to show how effortlessly he can present arms at the open order – he plans to vow that disaster recovery funds “in the millions” will soon start to flow to victims of the 1893 Brisbane floods.

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LISMORE: NSW Premier Domonic Perrottet’s stand-in double has now completed his tour of this flood-ravaged northern town. He is expected to make a full recovery.