New poll a stinker for PM

CANBERRA: Prime Minister Scott Morrison has reportedly been shocked by poor internal party polling figures taken after his latest COVID-19 bungle – the price gouging and limited availability of Rapid Antigen Test kits as the nation is brought to its knees by the rampant Omicron variant.

A senior source within the Prime Minister’s Department told The Bug on the condition of anonymity: “The PM is really engadine-maccaring himself.”

***

What’s in a name? Everything, apparently

SYDNEY: The State Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages is experiencing a massive surge in applications from NSW residents keen to change their surnames to ensure they get a better all-round deal from Premier Dominic Perrottet and his government.

Common names being sought by many tens of thousands of New South Welshpeople include Chemist Warehouse, Bunnings, K-Mart, Chemmart, Domayne, Harvey-Norman, Lifelong-Libertarian, Private-Enterprise, Happy-Clapper and even one double-hyphenated effort, Marginal-Liberal-Electorate.

A registry spokesperson pleaded with The Bug not to use the old “hatches, dispatches and matches” line when filing its report on this matter.

Pants take a pounding

CANBERRA: A spokesperson for Alex Hawke has explained why the Immigration Minister is taking so long to determine whether or not to use his ministerial power to cancel tennis player Novak Djokovic’s visa.

“Every time he takes a deep breath, pumps his fists and tells us he’s made a decision that Prime Minister Scott Morrison will like, he starts to walk out to the Parliament House courtyard to make that announcement that but then half-way there he engadine-maccas himself.

“He’s fast runnng out of trousers.”