An Aussie republic? Nein, says Nine!

Look, this is the last thing The Bug‘s Media Glass House wants to be reporting on but let’s just say, given recent concerns over One’s health, that Queen Elizabeth Number Two pops her clogs …. goes for a Burton … kicks the royal bucket … fatally trips over her remaining corgi … in the next year or three.

That would give Jug Ears … sorry, Prince Charles… at least two decades – even a quarter-century – on the throne given he’s just turned 73. What points to that? The longevity of his family, not to mention that his royal poop is trawled through daily by the team of royal medical specialists tasked with seeing him still shitting and sitting on the throne when he’s 100.

And after waiting for so long for mummy to move on, does anyone seriously think Jug Ea.. sorry, King Charles … is going to abdicate at any time, even if not too far into his reign he’s convinced his plants are talking back to him? Sorry, what’s that? He already is?

All this clearly means that dear, dear, Prince William won’t be king until somewhere around the late 2040s. Long live William, King of Australia!

So, we now get to the point we wish to make: surely Australia is going to be a republic by then!

But apparently not, according to Channel 9 who proudly promoted its Sixty Minutes segment on Sunday night on William’s missus Kate, introducing the Duchess of Cambridge as OUR FUTURE QUEEN! Katherine, Queen of Australia! Can you hardly wait? We can’t.

And Tom Steinfort’s segment gushed mightily about how King William and his former commoner trouble and strife will restore the monarch’s reputation on Will’s coronation. Steinfort could easily be in his 60s by then and the tired old hacks who put together the Media Glass House will be spinning with embarrassment in their republican graves.

What’s left of the United Kingdom will probably be a republic by then itself and maybe William and Kate in their dotage will be kept on to show tourists through the palaces they would have lived in should the monarchy have survived the reign of Jug Ea… sorry King Charles the Turd or whatever moniker he deigns to give himself.

We at The Bug simply refuse to believe that by the late 2040s Australia won’t have finally grown up sufficiently to cast Jug Ea… sorry King Charles … aside as our head of state.

It will certainly be a poor fellow, my country, if we haven’t.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Whenever The Bug writes about the future of the monarchy and the prospects of an Australian republic, we are reminded of Malcolm Turnbull and his “We are all Elizabethans” comment. No, we aren’t, toff! What a fucking pissweak, lightweight “proponent” of a republic he turned out to be. Like his political career, a right-royal FIZZA!