Tim Wilson hurt in bad fall

CANBERRA: The federal Member for Goldstein, Tim Wilson, is in a private hospital here with several broken ribs, facial bruising and several loosened teeth after taking a bad tumble in a corridor of Parliament House yesterday.

Mr Wilson was seen to trip on the plush carpet and take the bad tumble as he rushed towards the Prime Minister’s Office shouting: “Sir! Sir! Labor’s finally released a policy we can rip to shreds!”.

Even as he was being treated by paramedics, Mr Wilson tried to break free, shouting he had a lengthy taxpayer-funded parliamentary inquiry roadshow to chair at which average Australians at numerous venues around the nation could express their concern over Labor’s disastrous 42 per cent emissions reduction target by 2030 and either donate to or join the Liberal Party or preferably both.

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TOWNSVILLE: A mischief of rats that deserted a sinking ship off the north Queensland coast overnight has lashed out at media coverage of their actions.

A dripping wet spokesrat told a hastily arranged media conference on The Strand this morning: “We take total umbrage about being compared with numerous federal LNP politicians who are currently calling time on their careers.

“We left that ship to save our lives and for no other reason and certainly not to spend more time with our families.

“We’ll be taking legal action if these monstrous and hurtful slurs are repeated against us.”