A blast from the past

EXCLUSIVE:

The Bug has obtained a transcript of one of the first calls NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian received after announcing her decision to quit the state’s top job and parliament. The call, from her former lover and state MP Daryl Maguire, is reproduced below, as accurately as possible given the level of noise of various paper shredders working overtime in the background in the Premier’s office.

GB: Hello?

DM: Gladys? It’s me Daryl.

GB: Fuck!

DM: Oh, yeah okay. Why not? I’ll pop around, hey?

GB: Fuck!

DM: Okay, okay. But it’ll have to be just a quickie. I got a business lunch with some Chinese investors.

GB: No, don’t. I said ‘Fuck!’ not ‘Fuck?’ you moron.

DM: Now, now Gladdy. You never used to be so stand-offish with me.

GB: Don’t I know it.

DM: So you’re not glad?

GB: Of course I’m Glad you deadshit.

DM: That’s nice to hear. I didn’t think you’d react that way……

GB: No, I said of course I’m Glad, as in Gladys.

DM: Oh! (laughs) I said ‘you’re not glad?’, not ‘you’re not Glad?’. As in: you’re not glad to hear from me? (laughs again)

GB: Yeah, I get it.

DM: (still laughing)

GB: Of course I’m Glad. But I’m definitely not glad you rang.

DM: (still laughing)

GB: But just to be crystal clear for the purposes of anyone listening in or taping this conversation, I am Glad as in Gladys.

DM: (suddenly stops laughing) Taping? Shit. You sure?

GB: Well, I take no chances these days.

DM: Shit. When I think of all the stuff we said to each other on the phone when we were, you know….

GB: Yes, I know.

DM: … well quite frankly I cack mysel….. Oops, sorry. Poor choice of words. I mean I shit myself.

GB: Look, what do you want?

DM: Well to be frank I thought I might throw my hat into the ring and run for Willoughby seeing you’re vacating the seat.

GB: What the fuck? Seriously?

DM: Yeah. You know me. I’ve always had impeccable judgement…..

GB: (laughs)

DM: …. and I was able to turn a quid or two as an MP…..

GB: Don’t I know it. Hang on – for the purposes of the tape – I don’t know anything about that.

DM: Well, you remember I was chair of the NSW Parliament Asia Pacific Friendship Group? Ka-ching!

GB: Yes. I mean – for the purposes of the tape – I don’t know anything about that.

DM: And a few years back I worked for the CCPPRC.

GB: The what?

DM: The China Council for the Promotion of Peaceful Reunification of China.

GB: Oh yes, I know it now. I mean – for the purposes of the tape – I don’t know anything about that.

DM: You see, I reckon all this AUKUS stuff with nuclear subs, and China on the warpath, will open up big possibilities, biiiig possibilities in that area. I need to be back in parliament to make the most of it.

GB: What about Wagga Wagga?

DM: I haven’t heard anyone call you that in the party in a long time.

GB: No, your old seat?

DM: Oh. No. No chance there.

GB: Well, you’re on your own.

DM: You can’t help me?

GB: The only thing I’d like to give you when we ever meet again is CPR.

DM: Close personal relationship?

GB: For the purposes of the tape: No.