Police seek Sydney sadist

SYDNEY: Metropolitan police are seeking a sadist who terrorised a family of four in their inner-city home overnight.

Veteran police officers who attended the well-maintained and quaint 1890s Tempe terrace are said to be traumatised by what happened there at around 8pm and some will need extensive counselling after hearing what the family was put through – if they decide to stay in the force, that is.

“The intruder entered the unlocked front door just as the family had finished their evening meal,” a police spokesperson said.

“He quickly tied up the middle-aged parents and their two teenage daughters before….” the spokesperson paused, wiping away a tear as he composed himself…”forcing himself onto them.

“He calmly pulled a copy of Saturday’s Sydney Morning Herald out of a pocket on his hoodie and ruthlessly forced them to listen as he callously read out an entire column that explained why retiring German chancellor Angela Merkel was nowhere near as good as the world made out, in the opinion of Parnell Palme McGuinness.”

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MELBOURNE: At least 55 protesters who attended anti-lockdown, anti-vaccination rallies in the Victorian capital this past week have now tested positive to LowvizIQ-19.

They are not expected to live with any real chance of logical thought.