Plane speaking from the PM

CANBERRA: Prime Minister Scott Morrison has distanced himself from any criticism of his government’s failure to rescue from Afghanistan all the people it had hoped to airlift out of Kabul, including Australian citizens, foreign visa holders and Afghans who had helped Australian troops over the past two decades.

Mr Morrison told the Canberra press gallery at a hastily convened media call late yesterday: “I don’t pilot a RAAF C-130 Hercules, mate.”

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SYDNEY: The union covering the nation’s journalists has warned that the craft’s reputation for fairness, balance and accuracy is being threatened on a number of fronts but most crucially from within the Canberra press gallery.

The Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance Media national secretariat in a statement pointed particularly to the behaviour of the Canberra media attending those regular briefings at which Prime Minister Scott Morrison boasts about record vaccination rollout numbers.

The MEAA pointed out that shouts of “Well done, Sir”, “We love you, ScoMo!”, “Best COVID-19 vaccination rollout ever!”, Father of our Nation!’ and spontaneous bouts of enthusiastic applause that frequently interrupted the PM’s statement just as he was about to mispronounce another word were not a good look.

And the behaviour of NewsCorp Australia journalists in attendance was even worse.

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SYDNEY: Simon Benson, columnist at The Australian, remains in a private hospital here being treated for shock after hearing overnight that not only might state Premiers have a sound argument over the basis on which the national reopening plan was first struck and that they not only have their own plans for opening up their states once certain COVID-19 vaccination levels are reached but that those plans might actually have the support of their citizens.

A nurse at the Sir Robert Menzies Private Hospital in Vaulcuse told The Bug: “The poor pet just kept mumbling all night: ‘Who could have seen that coming?’.”