Questions over PM’s G7 performance

Official observers at the recent virtual meeting of G7 world leaders say UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson appears to be “dangerously unaware” of the seriousness of the crisis in Afghanistan.

Sources at very senior levels within the British civil service who witnessed Mr Johnson’s performance during the online hook-up earlier this week said it was obvious the British leader was well out of his depth when discussing the unfolding crisis.

“The first indication of his failure to grasp the seriousness of the situation came very early in the international online meeting when the PM repeatedly referred to Afghanistan’s capital as Kaboom,” a Whitehall source said.

“It was very obvious that he is dangerously unaware of the details of the crisis because shortly after the hook-up started he began flicking through a dog-eared school atlas he had brought along.

“It seems he was looking for a map of Afghanistan and after he finally found it those of us monitoring the meeting heard him say to himself: ‘Oh that’s where it is!’

“Then during a very serious exchange in which US President Joe Biden was discussing the inevitable internal friction between Sunni and Shiite Muslims, Mr Johnson tried very hard to join in.

“Unfortunately he initially referred several times to the two religious factions as Sonny and Cher before obviously reading from his notes.

“He then managed to get Sunni right but unfortunately pronounced Shiite as ‘shite’, then when other leaders gasped he ‘corrected’ himself and tried ‘shitty’.

“Thankfully Mr Biden moved the discussion on very quickly and then obviously tried hard to leave the PM out of the conversation.

“Unfortunately his lack of involvement gave Mr Johnson an excuse to drop his trousers and, shall we say, start pleasuring himself, thinking nobody could see him. (main picture)

“While some of the G7 leaders who were online may not have known what he was doing, those of us who have worked with the PM before knew exactly what he was up to because we have seen him do it many times before.

“We knew exactly what was coming, apart from the PM, and our fears were once again confirmed when he asked an aide for a biscuit,” the source said.