Is he a pisspot, is he, is he….

Forget Barnaby Joyce. And wouldn’t we all like to?

Put the red-faced Beetrooter out of your mind and ponder this: Is the Prime Minister Scott Morrison really the biggest pisspot we have in the federal Parliament?

There’s plenty of evidence in the jumbled word salads that get tossed regularly out of Morrison’s gob.

Add to that the extent of word-mangling he manages all too effortlessly during #QT and at his pressers and you are entitled to pose the question: how early in the morning does the Father of our Nation start to give it a real nudge?

What’s in that scottish tartan-themed thermos flask on his table in the members’ dining room at breakfast?

I’m indebted to Farcebook friend Liz Johnston for this recent word salad from Smoko. Liz, like your one-eyed ranter, is a former hack journo although just not bitter and twisted.

Not bad is it? Not quite in the “If you have a go, you’ll get a go” level of incomprehensibility and silliness but surely a solid pointer to Smoko’s blood alcohol level at the time.

Then there are those media calls and angry #QT rants where words of more than one syllable are always at risk.

And for recent examples of that I’m indebted to joan kunze @madamshawshank who took a bullet for the team and actually listened to a Smoko media call the other day before posting this on Twitter.

Thank you, Joan, for there was once a time so few of us seemed capable of spotting his word churnings that I personally thought most of Australia needed a hearing test. But we are fast growing in number and, as Smoko would say, “We’re becalming a forge to be seasoned width”.

Someone on social mediocre recently thought they heard Smoko say vaginal rollout instead of vaccine rollout. And that’s quite possible, considering what an awful cunt Morrison is.

Anyway, all this evidence begs the basic question: What time of the day does Smoko take his first swig? And what of?

With Barnaby, the best bet is rum because whenever the Beetrooter is bellowing across the dispatch box, Labor MPs are grateful they are wearing masks right now so they can hopefully drive home under the limit.

Smoko disguises his drinking much better – if not the effects of it – so our best bet is vodka. Just lots and lots of it. In a Scottish tartan-themed thermos flask.

Don Gordon-Brown