Boris backflips on quarantine

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has declared he will now self-isolate after coming into contact with a minister in his government who tested positive for the corinavirus.

Mr Johnson had previously said he would continue his normal routine but would undergo daily virus testing after his Health Secretary Sajid Javid returned a positive test result.

A public and political backlash forced Mr Johnson into announcing he had abandoned the initial plan for daily testing and would now self-isolate at his official country residence Chequers north-west of London.

Mr Johnson announced his change of mind at a news conference at 10 Downing Street before departing for Chequers. (pictured)

“I say chaps, and chapettes, I’m off to the country for a few days of R&R,” he told reporters.

“What ho. Hey? What a wheeze. I’ll be away for a few days with my good lady wife…. err, errr…..”

At this point a Downing Street aide at the back of the room behind reporters held up a card and the PM squinted at it for some moments.

“Ah yes,” he resumed, “I’ll be away for a bit of R&R with my wife Corrie for a few days…..”

The PM once more stopped speaking as the aide drew his attention to the card again.

“Righto. Got it now,” he muttered before saying loudly, “I’ll be away for a few days with my good lady wife Carrie so I guess you chaps can guess what one of the Rs in the R&R is going to be. What ho! Hey?

“Oh, of course when I said you chaps can imagine what I’ll be up to, of course I meant you chapettes as well.”

Asked why he had changed his mind and would now self-isolate, Mr Johnson said: “You chaps, and chapettes, know that when it comes to tough decisions one must always ask oneself: What would Nanny have done?”

At that point as reporters began to pepper him with questions, the PM pointed out a window and shouted: “Good Lord. Did you see that?”

As reporters craned their necks to observe nothing unusual through the window, Mr Johnson broke into a rendition of  the song English Country Garden.

How many kinds of sweet flowers grow, in an English country garden,” he began.

I’ll tell you now of some that I know, and those that I miss you’ll surely pardon.”

As he began the next line, the PM began tap dancing towards the door of the media briefing room.

Daffodils, hearts ease and flox, meadowsweet and lady smocks….”

An unseen aide opened the door as he approached it, at which he began substituting smutty lyrics for flower names.

But his singing faded as the unseen aide closed the door once the PM had tap danced through it.