An exciting new song has been added to the repertoire of the Mainstream Media Political Scribes Choir, the elite singing group charged with achieving the right result whenever the next federal election is held.
The Bug understands Rudd’s Phone Call Did No Good At All was penned over recent days by three of the nation’s finest political writers – the ABC’s Patricia Karvelas, Nine Entertainment mastheads contributor David Crowe and the nation’s top professor of politics, highly regarded for his fair and balanced assessments, Peter van Onselen who pens material for The Australian and reports for Channel 10.
All three workshopped the material on various media platforms earlier this week and the entire choir tried out the new song at rehearsals last night (at top). Other choir members were thrilled by the new ditty, a fast-paced number shamelessly based on the French national anthem, La Marseillaise.
One senior choir member who asked not to be named told The Bug: “This song will go a long way to a continuation of good strong stable government in Australia and by that the choir means the re-election of the Morrison government when the time comes.”
He admitted some of the material on the choir’s songsheet had become a bit dated.
“ScoMo: Father of our Nation still gives all of us goose bumps but some of the other tunes, such as Vaccine Man: You’re our Hero! and The Best Wartime Leader Australia Might Still Soon Have have lost a little bit of shine lately.
“And with the prospects of an election this year dimming, we knew our songsheet needed some fresh material.”
Ms Karvelas was good enough to explain for Bug readers how the new song came out.
“I’ve written most of the lyrics but I must praise Peter for giving me the inspiration,” she said.
“He put up a tweet the other day that simply blew out of the water any pathetic claims by Rudd that he hoped his intervention by talking to the company’s top man might in some way have helped speed up the delivery of vaccines to Australia.
“Peter’s putdown of Rudd was brilliant in its simplicity. Pfizer had made it crystal clear that only it and the Australian government could enter into contractual arrangements!
The Bug: Rudd himself in his letter to the government on June 30 said exactly the same thing. So to keep reporting that only Pfizer and the government can enter into contracts is stating the bleeding obvious that no-one disagrees with?
Karvelas: Exactly, Which is why Rudd’s intervention was a total waste of time.
The Bug: That doesn’t make any sense at all.
Karvelas: Thank you.
The Bug: You don’t think the song comes across sounding a little desperate? All of you felt the need to downplay Rudd’s role and to limit the damage to the prime minister because he didn’t hold a phone?
Karvelas: Thank you. That’s a fair summary. But we still think our interpretation of Pfizer’s words is fairly accurate. I mean, did you see how SkyNews beat the whole thing up. Very unprofessional. We’d never do that.
The Bug: Hey, hold on. On Afternoon Briefing the other day, you said this: ‘Pfizer has dismissed reports that Kevin Rudd intervened to help Australia secure more vaccine doses’. Not even SkyNews tried to spin the idea that Pfizer was somehow denying that Rudd even intervened in the first place?
Karvelas: I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. I’m due in make-up.