Whose plan was that again….

When the Father of our Nation and the Best Wartime Prime Minister This Country Still Might Have came out late last week with his four-phase plan to rid Oz of COVID-19 to the fulsome acclaim from a grateful Australia keen to rush to polling booths to express their thanks, your ranter-in-residence was naturally keen to see how the mainstream media would tackle this wonderful news.

Would they really want to lavish praise on Morrison for what really was a terrible admission of one giant shefuckingmozzle after another by his government in the fight against coronvirus and particularly the vaccine rollout ever since this master of marketing told us we were at the head of the queue for a quick and effective jabathon.

The reality was his four-phase plan was light in detail and some of the goals were a deadset embarrassing admission of government incompetence. Phase two depends on a full vaccination rollout and the timetable for that and subsequent steps to normal life is unknown until the scientific experts work that out. And there’s no timeframe for that either.

For those reasons nothing much happens or changes in phase one until phase two next year but there was this gritty determination that workers in aged health care would have to be immunised by mid-September.

How’s that for aggressively taking control of a response to a pandemic now 18 months old and one that killed hundred and hundreds of old folk in private age-care homes, where the responsibility for them being run properly and efficiently and not with just an eye to profits rests with the federal government.

And phase four is really no phase at all. It’s everything back to normal.

So, yes, we were keen to see how the right-wing media would cover the plan’s announcement. Would they do their best to talk up Morrison as the leader of the nation’s leaders or see the plan as the hotair hodge podge that it was and try to share the blame with the state premiers and territory first ministers on the national cabinet?

So let’s start with the ABC and Jane Norman knew pretty well who was leading the charge to save a grateful nation.

After Morrison led the segment saying Australians were “very much keen for us to chart our way out of where we are…” Ms Norman said this: “On that point, he got the agreement of the states…”

Got! As in achieved. Got them to agree with HIM!’

The Prime Minister’s plan was “a big-picture blueprint”.

Thank you, PM! Thank you, Jane.

Even the ABC’s Brisbane’s newsreader Jessica van Vonderen offered a little bit of editorialising of her own, saying it was the most detailed look yet at what needs to be done.

Jessica, if Smoko’s plan was so wonderfully detailed after 18 months of this coronavirus shitfight, we’d hate to think what he’d come up with before.

So what did other right-wing media say?

The Sydney Morning Herald last Saturday in its splash reported that national cabinet has “backed the proposal to use lockdowns and border checks as required until the start of next year”.

The report by David Crowe and Rachael Chun seemed reluctant to use the M word much as to who came up with this mastery plan but the hints are there.

“…Premiers and chief ministers have agreed to the plan only in principle….”

Scott’s plan then. Fair enough assumption?

Although, personally, I think the PM maybe should have cooked up five phases to differentiate his plan from the four-stage plan Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews had suggested earlier. Or dropped phase four as explained earlier.

Over at 9 News, Georgie Gardner began her 6pm bulletin last Friday with Morrison announcing “an ambitious plan agreed to by every state and territory leader.” Not a lot of doubt there.

Chris O’Keefe in his report said those leaders had also “agreed” to phase 2 goals. To be fair, O’Keefe did report that Morrison had agreed with the Premiers that international arrivals should be halved.

So that’s the right-wing media. Let’s now look at the far-right media.

Okay, you know we’re only pulling your leg. Your ranter-in-residence will never fork out for a hardcopy Newscorpse shitpaper while Sorbent and Wondersoft are so readily available. Or pay for an online subscription when there’s absolutely no chance of wiping your arse with that.

Don Gordon-Brown

PS: I should mention one report that suggested the plan was thrashed out by Morrison and Dan Andrews on behalf of the premiers because the PM refused to talk to Queensland Premier Annastacia Palasydneyzoocanberrazoounited kingdom.