Gallen’s boxing future assured


The professional boxing career of former rugby league great Paul Gallen can continue with complete safety “as long as Paul keeps fit and continues to enjoy his involvement in the sport he clearly loves”, a team of the nation’s leading brain specialists has found.

“There’s no way any future fights can do any more brain damage to Paul then that’s already been inflicted by two decades of top-level rugby league,” one of the experts told The Bug on condition of anonymity.

“Paul reached peak brain damage a long, long time ago.”

Worried friends and colleagues convinced Gallen to undertake the extensive cranial tests after his first-round knockout win over former WBA heavyweight champion Lucas Browne in Wollongong earlier this week.

They noticed strange speech patterns in Gallen including “you” instead of “youse”, “I did well” instead of “I done well”. Gallan also talked enthusiastically about “my future” and not “me future” and used “going” instead of “gonna”.

The specialists have all agreed that these changes will be temporary – most likely the result of the euphoria and adrenalin rush of this week’s win and in no way brain-related – and there’s no reason for Gallen not to take up the lucrative career of a Nine Sports rugby league commentator after his boxing career ends.

Gallen played 348 NRL first grade games, 32 Tests and 24 State of Origin matches in a career spanning two decades and the loss of an estimated 143.43 billion brain cells.