Nine’s pathetic bid to bring us down!


Australia’s longest running and least profitable online satire newspaper is vowing to continue running its popular Media Glass House column despite blatant attempts by Channel 9 to shut it down.

The Bug admits it’s not going to be easy to fill the column in future with the changes Nine Entertainment has made to its 9Now catchup service,” a spokesperson said.

“We’re proud of our accuracy when we’re not making up stuff so we’ve always relied on checking on 9Now to verify things we’ve heard on TV, especially Nine’s 6pm news service out of Sydney.

“We can normally fill a column with the shitty but funny little mistakes that program makes on any given night but now we can’t double check what we almost can’t believe our eyes and our ears have seen and heard.”

The spokesman explained that until recently, all the network’s capital city 6pm news programs were easy to watch on 9Now with the entire 60 minutes shown.

“Some time ago, they inserted unavoidable ad breaks that made it a real bugbear – sorry for the pun – to check a story. But we persevered for the sake of accuracy.

“But now they’ve changed the format completely and all you get is a selection of short clips (above).

“As you can see from the graphic, the second story is about Bindi Irwin having a baby back on March 25. So maybe it should be renamed 9Quite a while ago! or 9now only click bait shit.”

“Here’s an example of the problem we now face. We’re pretty sure we heard Peter Overton the other night introduce his UK reporter as being outside Kensington Palace.

“The building behind him looked to us pretty much like Buckingham Palace.

“Maybe Overton said Buckingham Palace because we’ve generally given the day’s work a pretty good send-off with some knock-off drinks. We really give it a nudge and we’re pretty well pissed by 6pm.

“We pride ourselves in our accuracy but now we’ve got no way to check. The last thing we want to do is to look stupid.”

A Nine Entertainment spokesperson said from Sydney: “Fuck, you guys at The Bug must be up yourselves for the rent if you think Channel 9 would even give a moment’s thought to bringing you down”.

“Besides, you are nowhere near as funny as The Chaser and we hear your readership numbers are in the shitter.

“All we’ve done is make logical improvements to our 9Now streaming service.

“We promise the latest news and a lot of viewers out there are keen to catch up on when Bindi gave birth. Our other featured clips are of a deadly tornado in the US on March 27 and a Victorian man gunned down in a planned attack on the same day.

“Besides, using these short one and two-minute clips allows us the put an annoying and grating ad at the front of each item.

“We get to make a quid and those advertisers continue to be blissfully unaware as to how annoying and how off-putting those ads are to potential customers.”