One of the funniest (and, yes, saddest) things I’ve seen for ages is appearing on screens around Australia right now.
It’s the latest in the Newspoll dillogy.
If you didn’t see the previous instalment in the on-going series two weeks ago, here’s the basic storyline of last night’s tragi-comedy sequel and it’s deadset roll-on-the-floor laughing/cry me a river sad.
After a couple of weeks more like a horror show than a top-flight comedy for Scott Morrison’s government, the latest Newspoll that has burst onto our TVs, laptops, tablets and smarty-pants phones has the LNP improving a percentage point to 40 in primary votes with Labor dropping one to 38.
Yet, somehow, helped by a marginal rise in Greens support (up one to 11), Labor has miraculously kept its current 52-48 two-party preferred lead.
As Australia’s most accurate amateur psephologist, I thought the lead to Labor two weeks ago should have been at least 53-47 and it is true that poll hinted at a rounding up for the LNP considering the two major parties were neck and neck on 39 primary back then.
Morrison and his ministry of mugs, misfits, morons, malingerers and masturbator hirers deserved to trail by even more this time, and that’s assuming the Laming over the cliff disaster came too late to really influence this latest release in the franchise (see top).
But without listing all the Morrison and Co. fuckups of recent times, I suspect decent, caring Australians would have been hoping for at the very least a 54-46 split to Labor, barely enough to at least show glimpses of what Australia was before John Winston Howard turned it into an image of his thoroughly rotten selfish, self-centred self.
So how does arguably Australia’s most accurate psephologist explain these past two Newspolls without both laughing at and weeping for the country he once knew and loved.
Both polls could be rogue, of course. There’s nothing in the rule book that says you can’t have two rogue polls in a row.
Some faith in the once-lucky country’s possible redemption comes in PM’s Morrison’s approval slumping 13 points, a figure Michelle Gratten hinted this morning could have easily been worse. And Morrison is only 20 points ahead of Anthony Albanese in doing the job that only one of them is doing at the moment.
So what the fuck is going on with this unchanged 52-48 two-party split!
I’m going to keep faith in my fellow Australians for a wee bit longer.
I’m having an absolute hoot this morning listening to Josh Frydenberg, Anne Ruston and other Morrison government talking heads explaining how important it is that Andrew “Upskirts” Laming stays in Parliament to be given the chance through empathy training and professional counselling to make a better man of himself. (Aside: wouldn’t it be funny if the 54-year-old Laming improves himself so much he wants to run again!)
Still, bravo Josh, Anne, Smoko, et al! How supportive of a man who is now electoral poison and who decided to announce he would not be recontesting his south Queensland seat of Bowman moments after he was told he had Buckley’s of being re-endorsed anyway.
By not demanding that the LNP in Queensland boot Laming off the party cliff, tin-eared Morrison has flipped the bird to the women and girls of Australia who might get even angrier than they are now, if that’s at all possible.
If Smoko stubbornly sticks with that non-stance – that his power and his position and his paypacket come way before showing that he really has got it and understands their anger – the next Newspoll movie should, in the words of Ned Ryerson, be an absolute doozey!