The Bug has been handed key CCTV security footage covering the moments before Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s amazing speech earlier in the week that changed his political fortunes!
In a world publishing first, the text of last-minute discussions in the Prime Minister’s Office can be revealed to the world.
The pressure is clearly on and the recording shows that a worried PM now knows his re-election on his record as Father of the Nation, the best wartime leader Australia might still get to have and Vaccine Man, the hero that saved countless Aussie lives, might no longer be enough to keep him in The Lodge.
He knows he has Australian women to charm and disarm and it’s only moments before he walks out to the lectern to do just that with his inspirational and emotional “women are the centre of my life” speech!
Aide: Beautiful final run-through, Prime Minister.
Morrison: So you could feel the empathy? How good on the Porter scale?
Aide: 250 percent, sir!
Morrison: And the section where I tearfully ask the women of Australia to come with me?
Aide: I’d drop the “come” bit.
Morrison: Ah, good point. So you really think the empathy shines through?
Aide: Umm … now have you got your folder?
Morrison: Yes, right here. Bloody hell! What the fuck is that photo still doing in there of those stick-thin children being thrown into the lime pit at Auchwicz! So fucking help me I’ll skin the cunt alive who left that in there! You all know that doesn’t move me at all. Besides, why the fuck should I apologise for something in history I had no control over?
Aide: My most sincerest apologies, Prime Minister. Give me that and I’ll destroy it immediately. What about the next one of the funeral of your father?
Morrison: Nah, I’ve used that one before. Didn’t work. Fuck that one off too.
Aide: Done. What about the lovely photo of your daughters?
Morrison: Do you know how much fucking trouble the three of them cause when I’ve got my professional photographer in and I’m pretending to build a Bunnings flatpack?
Aide: Two, Prime Minister. You have two daughters,
Morrison: Whatever! They always hang around and want the fucking thing finished. Gives me the right-royal shits they do especially when I’m due down at Cronulla beach for a macho budgie-smuggler shot.
Aide: A nice picture of Jenny?
Morrison: She has been very loyal and supportive, that’s for sure. She’s always stood behind me.
Aide: Beside, sir. Beside.
Aide: What about your mum then? I thought I detected a bit of emotion there when you mentioned her in one of your run-throughs?
Morrison: True, she did give birth to me, you know. She’s very, very proud of that as she should be. And she is widowed now, you know.
Aide: There we are then. That could be the money shot right there and then!
Morrison: The money shot?
Aide: Don’t say that, okay. So are we ready to go, sir?
Morrison: As ready as we’ll ever be …. ah, fuck it … give me that slice of raw onion I sometimes hide in the palm of my hand for that special crucial moment. It’s never failed me before.
Aide: The Canberra media pack fall for it every time, sir. Except for Katharine, Lenore, Patricia, Michelle and Laura.
Morrison: Lying cows!