Porter’s brain gets all-clear from PM


Prime Minister Scott Morrison is confident his Attorney-General Christian Porter can return to full duties “in a few weeks” after the PM held extensive discussions over the weekend with the various teams of medical specialists dealing with the West Australian MP’s mental health issues.

The PM eschewed a number of photo opportunities for a surf swim or building a Bunnings flatpack product to spend quite some hours in Zoom meetings with the psychologists, psychiatrists and leading brain surgeons working with Mr Porter, now on personal leave to help him recover from extremely hurtful and totally unfounded rape allegations.

“The PM spent a lot of time with each expert for no other reason than to satisfy himself that one of his most senior ministers is in good hands and will be back on deck sooner than later,” a Prime Minister’s Office spokesperson said.

“Mr Porter will be playing a key role in introducing vital industrial relations reforms that will be absolutely crucial for bringing the nation through the devastating COVID-19 pandemic and out the other side to the strong economic health that only the Liberal and National parties can provide by suppressing wages as much as possible.

“Mr Morrison assessed recent MRI scans and treatment notes with the specialists and was more than happy with the results, although he did speak up if his assessments differed from theirs and they appreciated that input from our nation’s leader.

“But they all agreed that Mr Porter’s brain has shown very significant levels of narcissistic egotism, ingrained sociopathic traits, an inherent pattern of mendacious behaviour and a rather rampant misogyny honed through a private school upbringing so is it any wonder the PM wants him back on his front bench as soon as possible?”