AFP welcomes PM to its ranks


The Australian Federal Police expects to record an unprecedented crime clear-up rate of “well over 100%” for the current 2020-2021 year when it releases its annual report later this year.

AFP Commissioner Reece Kershaw said statisticians at the AFP’s Canberra headquarters had projected the historic clearance rate which he attributed entirely to the recruitment of Prime Minister Scott Morrison who will undertake a range of “cold case” investigations. (main picture)

“I was more than impressed when I read how Mr Morrison had handled the recent allegations levelled against one of his cabinet ministers who has been accused of raping an underage girl more than 30 years ago,” Commissioner Kershaw said.

“I understand Mr Morrison himself undertook his own investigation by simply asking the person in question if he had committed the alleged offence.

“As a result the PM was soon able to say that the minister concerned ‘vigorously rejected’ the claims.

“I and other senior AFP officers, including some very seasoned investigators, were gobsmacked at the simplicity of the PM’s approach.

“We have never previously considered the tactic of just asking an alleged offender if they had committed the crime of which they’ve been accused and totally accepting their answer.

“When you think about it, it’s just so simple. It’s basically an investigative technique that’s been hiding in plain sight for so long.

“We are all ecstatic that Mr Morrison has agreed to join the AFP and to bring with him his unrivalled investigative skills.

“We expect the PM to take just a few minutes or even just a few seconds to quiz each suspect and determine their guilt or innocence.

“That means the AFP has every expectation it will reach a crime clear-up rate of well over 100% for the current reporting year based on Mr Morrison questioning a range of suspects in hundreds of current investigations as well as dozens of historic cold cases committed in previous years,” Commissioner Kershaw said.