Missile spend puts China on notice

WAR PREPARATIONS:

Australia’s stoush with China over import bans on a range of agricultural and mining products could soon be over with Prime Minister Scott Morrison firing a $1 billion shot across the Communist giant’s bows.

The PM has announced the government will splash $1 billion on cutting-edge US anti-ship missiles for the Australian Navy, a move that defence force chiefs believe will dramatically change the outcome of any all-out war with China.

The Bug understands defence force strategists have conducted high-tech computerised war game scenarios using the latest Chinese software and they have repeatedly shown that the extra hundreds of missiles will mean it will be at least another half-hour into any war before Australia raises the white flag, most likely made in China.

“Our wonderful products such as beef from some meatworks, coal, cotton, lobsters, wine, timber and barley among others will soon be making their way to China again if President Xi Jinping and his comrades know what’s good for them and lift bans and absurdly high tariffs immediately,” Mr Morrison said overnight.

“I appreciate there’s been a fair bit of mainstream media chatter about what a great wartime leader I would make but let’s hope it never comes to that,” he added before signing off with a snappy salute that would have not looked out of place in the closing shot of any Clint Eastwood-directed war movie.