Simple error led to Capitol siege

WASHINGTON, DC: Local police here have explained why they pushed aside barricades and allowed Trump-supporting Proud Boys, “Real Patriots” and other right-wing conspiracy theorists to enter and thrash the Capitol building.

“We thought they were #blacklivesmatter demonstrators,” a very senior officer said. (please insert sustained and exceptionally loud canned laughter here!)

***

SYDNEY: A man arrested outside the Sydney Cricket Ground yesterday afternoon and fined $200 for not wearing a mask to the Australia-India third Test believes he can fight the charge and have the fine overturned.

“I was born without ears,” he told The Bug.

***

CANBERRA: Prime Minister Scott Morrison has this morning defended his decision to sidestep any significant criticism of US President Donald Trump for his role in inciting the attempted coup on the Capitol building in Washington yesterday.

“I’ve really got to choose my words carefully because there’s still a very good chance President Trump will prove his reelection was indeed a landslide victory and he remains rightfully in power after January 20,” PM Morrison said.

“At least that’s what a substantial number of the federal LNP caucus hope for and believe.

“Australia has no better friend and ally than the United States and the Australian people would expect their national leader to refuse to say or do anything that could harm that powerful alliance forged over many decades between our two nations in both times of war and war.”

Mr Morrison said his UK counterpart Boris Johnson might end up ruing his quite strong criticisms overnight of President Trump’s alleged role in inciting the Capitol building takeover by rioters.

“Good leaders never take a strong stand on anything if that can be avoided. You only risk losing votes among your base that way.”

***

SYDNEY: Hearing Australia has been deluged with requests for urgent testing after countless Australians thought they heard Stan Grant on ABC television say that both sides of politics were to blame for yesterday’s takeover by rioters of the Capitol building in Washington DC.

***

PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND: Makers of the popular word-building board game Scrabble say they will do more than remove allegedly racist words from the official Scrabble Dictionary used by keen players.

Objections raised by a Northern Territory man about racist slurs contained in the dictionary (pictured) forced the company that makes the game, US-based Hasbro Inc, to commit to removing the words in future editions.

Director of Hasbro’s Scrabble division, Gcf Qwpy, said the company would go further.

“We will also be removing from all future sets of Scrabble all letters capable of forming racist words,” she said.