Mascots bite the dust


Organisers of this year’s deferred 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games have been forced to find new mascots after the nation’s health authorities declared the existing two mascots posed a major public health risk.

Work is now under way to come up with new mascots to replace Gyoza and Sushi (main picture) in time for the start of the Games.

The 2020 Tokyo Games will be held in July and August this year after being postponed for 12 months due to the coronavirus pandemic.

A spokesperson for the International Olympic Committee said the ditching of the mascots was a sudden and unexpected development.

“When we were forced to defer the Games for a full year we worked with the Tokyo organising committee to make sure all possible contingencies were covered,” the IOC spokesperson said. “But we never planned on the strictness of Japan’s health laws.

“Health authorities there have directed the organisers of the Games to withdraw Gyoza and Sushi because taking into account the deferral of the Games, both are now well past their use-by date.

“When you stop to think about it, we did drop the ball in originally approving food-based mascots.

“That’s never been done before. At previous Olympics mascots have always been based on animals native to the host nation, except for a few occasions such as Atlanta in 1996 and London in 2012.

“I’m still trying to work out what the fuck Atlanta’s mascot Izzy (left, pictured) was meant to be, and the Wenlock mascot used by London (right, pictured) was just freaking weird.

“With a little more than 200 days to go before the opening ceremony, designers will now be working overtime to deliver a new mascot.

“I just hope it bears some resemblance to some sort of cuddly living creature. If it’s another shit mascot all our merchandising revenue plans are shot,” the IOC spokesperson said.