Will journo’s gravy mistake prove costly

A well-known Australian Broadcasting Corporation journalist is fighting for her career this morning after delivering a massive on-air insult to Australia’s most famous singer-songwriter.

My spies at Aunty tell me young Four Corners reporter Lucy Carter will be called in by management later today for a “please explain” after she inferred on the News Breakfast TV program this morning that Paul Kelly had used the word “ketchup” as part of the lyrics to his fabulous hit, How to Make Gravy, released in November 1996.

The hit song, which News Breakfast summer season co-host Madeline Morris rightly agreed with Carter was the best Australian Christmas song EVER!!!, was being highlighted on the show on “Happy Gravy Day”.

Almost all Australians of a reasonable age except perhaps Madeline’s summer season stand-in co-host journalist Iskhandar Razak know that Happy Gravy Day is so called because Kelly’s song is told in a narrative by jailbird Joe to his brother on December 21 as he asks who will make the Xmas gravy in his absence.
In the second stanza, Kelly sings:

I guess the brothers are driving down from Queensland
And Stella’s flying in from the coast
They say it’s gonna be a hundred degrees, even more maybe
But that won’t stop the roast
Who’s gonna make the gravy now?
I bet it won’t taste the same
Just add flour, salt, a little red wine
And don’t forget a dollop of tomato sauce
For sweetness and that extra tang.

We’ll probably never know the reason for Carter’s brainfade in using the word “ketchup” in recalling the song’s lyrics but it’s a safe bet Paul Kelly would not be the much-loved – nay revered – singer he is today if he had used such a silly American word for his song!

I understand the ABC’s switchboard lit up immediately her faux pas was uttered, and I’m told one of the first of the irate callers was former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd who said simply: “Fair suck of the sauce bottle!”

Angry calls also flooded in from various groups and associations charged with trying to prevent the Americanisation of Australian language usage.

“It was bad enough when our fucking peanut paste became peanut butter even though there’s no fucking butter in it at all,” was one obscenity-laden message left on the ABC switchboard by a spokeswoman from Save Oz Speak from Yank Infiltration.

“And now the cunts are trying to force us into calling tomato sauce ketchup! I mean what the fuck is that, for Christ’s sake,” the SOSFYI spokeswoman said. “It sounds like a fucking Kiwi asking friends on a walk to stop lagging behind.”