Global honour for Deputy PM

INTERNATIONAL POLITICS:

Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack has won a highly contested international award, finishing just ahead of United States Vice President Mike Spence in the voting.

When a two-week long poll amongst the world’s mainstream media political reporters and commentators closed at 5pm London time just a few hours ago, both men easily outscore five other finalists in the counting and were neck and neck for some hours before Mr McCormack moved away to defeat VPOTUS by 12,200 votes to 9,545.

The biennial award means Mr McCormack will retain his title as the world’s dumbest deputy in any government anywhere and the medal that comes with it until November 2022.

A spokesperson for the award organisers praised Mr McCormack (pictured above chatting to a voter during the 2019 federal election campaign) for “a consistent and inspirational performance over time” that had cemented what turned out to be a decisive victory.

“He was first nominated for the award when he stated some months ago that New Zealanders should come to Australia, shear some sheep and maybe fall in love,” the spokesperson said.

“But for mine the clincher came when Mr McCormack argued that land worth $3 million but purchased by the federal government for $30 million was a sound purchase because that land would in fact one day be worth that $30 million.

“He really had the medal in his keeping from that moment on.”

The spokesperson also praised Vice President Pence for his body of work over time.

“Sadly, his declaration overnight that the Oval Office “would continue fighting until every illegal vote has been thrown out” has come too late to bridge the gap.

“Anyone with an ounce of sense would be fast distancing himself from Donald Trump but not Mr Pence.

“His loyalty is almost breathtaking in its stupidity.

“He really is dumb as all get out – he was Donald Trump’s running mate after all – but not dumb enough on this occasion.”

The spokesperson acknowledged that the Australian political system based on Westminster meant Prime Minister Scott Morrison had not personally selected the National Partyfederal leader to be his deputy but “he couldn’t have possibly made a better choice himself”.

“Your PM is either the luckiest man alive or he’s got God on his side.

“Even he looks almost competent alongside Mr McCormack.”

In accepting the award this morning, Mr McCormack asked, seeing both men were called Mike, whether he and Mike Spence were related.