Manor House? More like an abattoir!

As a trained killer back in the days of the old Citizens Military Forces, I know a fair bit about the Art of Pretend War.

And this ingrained military expertise has me worried that we might be on the brink of all-out war with China.

Does any one else suspect that our very own much loved Father of our Nation hopes also to also become our greatest wartime leader ever – as one very senior mainstream media political reporter has already predicted – and take China on!

It’s not looking good, is it?

We’ve already pissed off our northern Community neighbour with a new defence agreement with Japan and now China is threatening to “gouge our eyes out” for somehow meddling in Chinese domestic affairs as part of our membership of Five Eyes.

The Five Eyes (FVEY) is an intelligence alliance comprising Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States and I suspect Smoko – Scott Morrison – is simply itching to give China a damned good spanking while we still can.

Which is of immense concern to me as I have unfinished business with Bunnings.

I’m pursuing a customer complaint with its Ballina outlet and there would be absolutely no sense in continuing to pursue it if Australia and China went to war.

Starved of Chinese product, Bunnings will obviously be forced to close down almost immediately, along with Target, KMart, Aldi and all of our country’s dollar discount shops.

Which would mean I’d have no hope whatsoever for getting back the $265 I spent a few months back of a fine-looking chicken manor house to protect my much-loved poultry.

That’s it pictured at right. And that’s the wire door, ripped open by a fox as clean as a whistler, as Bill Lawry might say, the other night before taking off with our bantam and the four three-week old chicks she was raising.

My beef with Bunnings is that I reckon any customer buying a wired chicken coop would be entitled to believe the product would protect its inhabitants from anything the Australian environment could throw at it, including a hungry and determined fox.

But this sneaky little bastard has opened this manor house as if it had a key to one of those old sardine tins.

Manor House! Ha! More like a death house!

I’m demanding redress and a refund, but there’ll be no chance of that if Smoko declares war on China and Bunnings ceases to operate the same day.

DON GORDON-BROWN