Lust in the outback

The Bug has uncovered a fascinating aspect of NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian’s amazingly hectic life – for some time she has been a successsful author of cheap romance novels, written under the pseudonym Margo Moist.

In this world exclusive, The Bug is proud to offer a tantalising taste of Glady’s latest bodice-ripper, Chalk and Cheese.

Beris Jacklidian assessed herself in the mirror of the so-so-average bathrooom of the Wagga Wagga motel room she had booked for the past two days during her professional trip out to the west of New South Wales.

“You don’t brush up too badly,” she thought, immodestly for her, really, as she surveyed her 50-year old face.

Sure, no-one would ever say she was beautiful but full on to the mirror her face was pretty enough, her inherent kindness and intelligence shone through her brown eyes, her conservative coiffeur suited her and her lips were full but not overblown, always doing justice to a smile that was genuine and open.

It was only when she turned sideways, as Beris reluctantly did now, that her Armenian ancestry meant the mirror could not capture all of her facial features.

She stopped her assessment and admonished herself once more: “Why on earth did I agree to have dinner with that man!”

That man was Max Daguire, the local high school deputy principal who that very afternoon Beris had professionally assessed as the state education department’s most senior schools examiner.

Daguire was no oil painting but his teaching methods had passed muster and he appeared generally delighted when Beris told him her report would be most complimentary if not entirely glowing.

He had momentarily grabbed her shoulder in appreciation and Beris felt an electric shock run down through her body to those secret, inner spaces that make every woman the woman she is.

Past muster, she thought again. Rather appropriate seeing Max came from a fairly famous beef and sheep breeding family close to town.

“I wonder if Max is all hat and no cattle,” Beris wondered and she blushed slightly as she thought for no particular reasons of long horns. She guessed they were a beef breed and her faced flushed again as certain carnal thoughts rumbled through her mind before she reluctantly chased them away.


Max had been most charming at the local pub bistro, regaling her over their chicken palmas with stories of his life and his hopes of promotion in teaching. If things didn’t pan out, he would return to what his aging dad in particular wanted him to do – the family lands and the job, eventually, of running the family’s rural dynasty.

Beris found herself quite comfortable in his presence even though his active mind always seemed to be turning over ways of making extra money.

When he told her of one idea if he was ever principal to hire out the school’s ovals and playing courts at weekends and keep some of the income as commission, she simply nodded her pretty little head and said: “I don’t need to know any of that!”


Beris once again examined herself in the mirror but this time it was in the bathroom of Max’s home on the outskirts of Wagga Wagga.

“Why did I agree to come back here for a ‘cleansing ale’ as Max had put it,” she admonished herself as she applied some fresh lippy and lifted her pleated beige skirt and sprayed some deodorant on her nether regions.

“I’m his boss, in effect, and nothing good can come of this.”

She unlocked the bathroom and walked straight out into the arms of Max, who had obviously been waiting in the hallway outside.

“You’ve teased me all evening with your sexy beauty,” he whispered hoarsely as he pulled her towards him.

Beris gave a little audible gasp as she felt his desire for her stiffen.

“This is not right,” she shouted and her tiny fists beat a steady protesting tattoo against his manly chest.

His lips covered hers and she emitted another audible gasp as his tongue began to explored the hidden depths of her mouth and he grabbed her hand and tried to move it to where his desire for her could best be demonstrated.

Beres then had an alarming thought: “If he takes me now, will that constitute an intimate personal relationship as defined under various Education Department guidelines and principles of professional behaviour, meaning I would be forced to disclose any conflict of interest in certain situations that might then arise in the future?”

“Aw, fuck it,” she thought. “It’s been a while and everyone knows how hard it is for a single professional woman based in Sydney to find romance, even with a cad.”

And then he took her.

Chalk and Cheese will soon be available as a Pills and Moans paperback and audio tablet. RRP $9.99.