PM’s warning: watch this space!

FEDERAL POLITICS:

A heartbroken Scott Morrison has sunk to his knees and sobbed openly over the waste of taxpayers’ money in buying four Australia Post senior executives Rolex watches each valued at $3000.

The PM’s wife Jenny let slip the distressing scene in an early-morning chat with Today‘s Karl Stefanovic. 

“I had heard Scott could barely contain his fury when he addressed the issue in Parliament earlier,” Mrs Morrison said.

“He was orange with rage and the shock of the news sent his hair white.

“When he got home to the Lodge he was still seething so I gave him a back rub to ease the obvious stress he was under and he quickly told the girls to go out back and play in the Bunnings long-jump running track and sandpit he had only recently assembled.

“With tears in his eyes, he just looked at me and whispered ‘what a tragic waste of public funds!’

“He then slipped slowly to his knees and between heart-wrenching sobs, repeated ‘They were already Liberal voters’ over and over again.

“He then mumbled something about them all living in safe electorates anyway before collapsing to the floor and talking in tongues.”

The Bug understands Mr Morrison will today appoint former Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce as a special ‘watch and act’ envoy to root out all examples where taxpayers’ funds are spent unwisely with no obvious benefit.

Mr Joyce (pictured) will not be paid for this additional work but will be allocated $800,000 in expenses for an estimated two to three months’ work where he will get to the bottom of things, after which he may send his findings to the government in a single email that will never, ever, be released because it would not be in the public interest so to do.