Trump makes plans

White House insiders say President Donald Trump has already conceded he will be defeated at the 3 November election by his Democratic Party challenger Joe Biden.

Senior sources within the Trump administration say the President has begun to test the market for a post-political career.

They say he has been spending a lot of time exploring a return to television, having spent more than a decade building his image by starring in The Apprentice reality show.

 “The President has been undertaking some top secret screen tests for several reality and light entertainment shows, mainly with his favourite TV outlet, Rupert Murdoch’s Fox Network,” a senior White House official told The Bug on condition of anonymity.

“He’s tried his hand at auditioning for hosting a remake of the US version of Mastermind, but that didn’t work out because he kept on going on about how much he knew about each subject covered by the questions, even though he didn’t really have a clue.

“The President also tried out the idea of hosting a talk show and Fox hired several unknown actors, extras or bit players at most, to play big-name guests for a run-through.

“The President couldn’t grasp the concept and kept arguing with each one, especially the guy playing Robert De Niro. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

 “Finally we thought the President had settled on a new job after he leaves the Oval Office as host of a new original game show titled Grab My Pussy.

 “It’s based around the old saying about ‘herding cats’ to describe chaotic situations. The idea is the studio is flooded with real cats and contestants have to herd them until they are all captured, with the winner being the one who’s grabbed the most pussies.

“The President was so enthralled with just the name of the show as soon as he heard it that he agreed to sign a contract on the spot to host it.

“He was so convinced about it that he had to be talked into turning up for a rehearsal which he finally agreed to, but ended up turning up naked (main picture).

“He was most disappointed when the rehearsal started that he made his displeasure known and stormed out. So the search goes on,” the source said.