Diagnosis suits Trump

President Donald Trump says he sees no obstacle to carrying out his forward election campaign commitments despite he and the First Lady, Melania Trump, being diagnosed with coronavirus.

In confirming his intention to continue campaigning in an online news conference from Walter Reed Military Hospital in Washington DC, Mr Trump also revealed subtle adjustments in the language and tactics he uses to portray the COVID-19 pandemic and his administration’s response to it.

“I’ll spend a few days here at the Walter Reed Hospital but will then be back on the campaign trail,” Mr Trump said.

“Americans need not fear. I can say, and nobody knows more about these things than me, that I have been receiving the best treatment in the world.

“I am currently in a Biden-free room so there is no threat to my health. No risk of death at all.

“Besides, we have had contingency plans all along in case I or any senior official in the administration contracted the China-Biden virus.

“For example, some months back I commissioned NASA to deliver a variation of their spacesuits so that people like me or anyone essential to the campaign can safely continue meeting and greeting voters and attending rallies.

“The First Lady and I wore our tailor-made ADDS for the first time around the White House yesterday as soon as we were diagnosed (main picture).

“Sorry, I should explain that ADDS stands for Anti-Democrat-Death Suit. It’s a very simple but effective way to isolate yourself from the risk of Democrat-inflicted and Democrat-infected death.

“You’ll be seeing a lot of the ADDS and many references to them on the campaign trail as we head to the November 3 election day.

“I’ll be continuing to campaign in my ADDS and I’ll be reminding voters to register for a vaccine by attending so-called polling stations on Tuesday 3 November and filling in vaccine order forms according to instructions they will be given by anti-virus volunteers from the Republic Party,” Mr Trump said.

When asked about the change in his language when referencing the pandemic, the President said he needed to get his message through to all Americans.

“I really feel that so far I have probably been a bit too subtle in my messaging. I’ve probably been a bit too polite, especially during the debate with Smelly Stuttering Semen-Stained Joe Biden,” he said.

“I think I need to be a bit more forceful. You know, take the gloves off.

“But not literally. If I took the gloves off my Anti-Democrat-Death Suit I’d risk being quickly re-infected and killed by the China-Biden virus,” he joked.

“And that’s no joke,” he added.