School’s reputation well and truly pricked

A second prestigious Sydney private school has been shamed by the “muck-up day” antics of its Year 12 students – and this time it’s a famous girls’ college that receives millions of dollars annually in federal funding.

The planned “muck-up” by senior pupils at the Blessed Edwina Ricebubble College for Chased Young Ladies on the Cusp of Fecund Womanhood in Vaucluse (pictured above) has shocked senior staff there and the principal has offered to resign.

Run by the strict Hymen Intactica order of Catholic nuns, the college had never drawn adverse publicity in more than 120 years of educating privileged young woman from Years 8 to 12.

But the activities of what the college calls “a small, disgusting sub-cohort of our senior girls” have, to many minds, surpassed the recent controversy that erupted at the ritzy Shore School in North Sydney – the Sydney Anglican Church Grammar School.

Seniors there had devised a “scavenger hunt” which included a range of illegal activities such as assaulting strangers, taking drugs and breaking into private property. Some of the challenges were so vile they were reported to NSW Police.

A senior teaching nun at the Blessed Edwina Ricebubble College who asked not to be named told The Bug: “What the boys on the North Shore planned was a muck-up; what we’re faced with here is a total fuck-up.

“The boys planned a Twiwizard Shornement; our young women have achieved a total College Reputation Bubbleprick.

“We’re stunned that they could have even come up with the range of ‘activities’ they planned.”

On the senior girls’ list of dares and pranks – some illegal, some just so out of touch with 21st Century social mores – were:

  1. Ringing Uber eats and arranging home delivery of dozens of edible knickers in various flavours and colours.
  2. Going shopping at K-Mart or Target.
  3. Sucking and swallowing just the once to say they’ve done it but never, ever, again, okay.
  4. Shitting on a homeless man who clearly by their circumstances never had the advantage of a quality private education.
  5. Going to Taroonga Zoo and flashing their tits and tush at the male gorillas to see if they could get a rise out of them.
  6. Drinking a four-litre cask of Golden Gate lambrusco wine just to show that the resultant projectile vomiting tastes no different from when they’ve been sneaking bottles of Grange Hermitage from daddy’s wine cellar.
  7. Doing it with one of the male teachers for a change.
  8. Touching up a Leb down at Roselands.
  9. Walking the entire length of Manly or Bondi Beach wearing only a one-piece – and it didn’t matter what piece.
  10. Punching a traffic cop in the balls.
  11. Hopping on the light rail at Circular Quay and on the entire trip up George Street to Town Hall masturbating openly while shouting aloud with your best John Howard impersonation with wavering voice and all: “I’ll decide how I cum in Australia and the manner in which I cum.”