Channel Nine Sydney’s 6pm news is fast becoming the best comedy show on the box right now, for mine.
I’m not saying every hour-long episode is a laugh a minute but there are more than enough chuckles most nights to cheer up the gloomiest of souls by its 7pm sign-off.
Take last night’s (Monday’s) episode as a prime example: it had some roll-on-the-floor-laughing moments, one in the most inappropriate of moments.
First up was this standup gem from reporter Eddy Meyer at the Christchurch High Court in New Zealand for the sad and moving witness statements before the sentencing of that mosques mass killer.
Meyer said of one tragic victim…” he was shot twice and fell the ground, unable to comprehend a massacre was taking place.”
I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. Oh, okay, you can and Eddy did!
Why Eddy, with almost 40 years experience in the trade, would resort to such bizarre, illogical and totally unnecessary words for a story so tragic and sad is questionable but they did make me laugh, even though maybe I shouldn’t have.
But, yes, being shot dead by a high-powered weapon at close range would make anyone unable to comprehend a lot of things and, as Eddy decided to point out, a massacre taking place was one of them.
How this Channel 9 veteran managed to read through his script before recording it and not have a giant warning bell sound in his ears is a total mystery to many, I would imagine.
Still, he must be an inspiration to the young’uns coming through at Nine News and here we cue Zara James, a tyro out to prove you don’t have to be a grizzled veteran of the craft to come up with an absolute beauty.
Reporting on a pet dog that saved its owner, a Parramatta grandmother, from a brutal bedroom assault, Zara said this to accompany the image above: “Caesar, the pitbull, basking in the glory of saving his owner…”
Now, I’m no expert on pitbulls but if they’re much like other dog breeds, my best guess is that if Caesar was doing anything while being caught on video, he was thinking about when he’s going to be fed next, taking a nap perhaps, or maybe it was time to lick his balls again, or even perhaps musing about where he might lay down his next rancid coil.
Sorry, Zara, but basking in the glory of his overnight heroics would not have been one of them.