The perils of Urinus obesitus

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SEX:

The Bug‘s world-renowned sex therapist Doctor Dick recently received a particularly interesting plea for help from a Gladstone woman and seeing it’s a common “problem” in even happy and contented relationships, thought it important enough to share with The Bug‘s wide readership.

 

Dear Doctor Dick

I rolled over in my sleep the other night and my hand accidently fell on my man’s groin region and, may I say, he was certainly ready for action, if you get my drift.

Well, at least I thought he was. His penis seemed to be its usual size when erect but I noticed there was something amiss when I climbed on top of him.

It reminded me of the photos of my great grandmother washing clothes in her old wood-fired copper washing tub, except that instead of pushing the washing down with a long wooden paddle smoothed over years of use, it was like using a pool noodle.

It was very embarrassing for me because I’ve never had any trouble arousing him and it’s not as if he’s an old bloke who’s just turned 70 on Saturday or anything like that. It was probably for the best that he didn’t wake up or he would have been mortified too.

Is this a sign that our sexual relationship is on the slide?  Have I lost my allure? And if so, what can we do about it?

Frustrated
Ocean Shores, NSW

Dear Carol

What is it with you modern women in the wake of the #mewantmore era. Why do you all think that men can achieve an erection at the drop of a hat or something pastel-coloured and frilly!

While I’m also a medical specialist in human reproduction, I don’t want to bore you with the details, but the hydraulics of male sexual arousal are indeed complex. It’s a physical and mental phenomenon in which a lot of Is have to be dotted and Ts crossed and in many cases, money to be exchanged,

To make things worse, your experience the other night involved not your standard human male erection sparked under all the conditions of stimuli I’ve mentioned above, but sounds like a classic example of Urinus obesitus, or to use its common term, a piss fat.

My best bet is this incident occurred fairly close to dawn? And maybe you too had enjoyed some drinks the night before? That combination creates your most acute cases of Urinus obesitus.

So to allay your fears, just remember that a piss fat is not your normal, sexually aroused erection. It fades quickly and was certainly not up to the strenuous workout you intended to give it while your man was asleep.

Doctor Dick