Canberra braces for BJ


Political operatives from Prime Minister Scott Morrison down are bracing themselves for a long-overdue — and predictably long — outburst by former National Party leader and deputy PM Barnaby Joyce.

A senior figure within the Morrison Government who did not wish to be identified told The Bug in an exclusive interview that everybody in Canberra had been puzzled by Mr Joyce’s silence in recent weeks.

“Ever since he lost his party’s leadership and his post as deputy PM on the casting vote of his penis, Barnaby has regularly intervened in the political debate in the only way he knows how,” the source said.

“He usually picks up on some populist cause or issue, then he gets in front of the cameras or uploads a selfie video to the internet in which he looks as mad as hell.

“He then rants and raves about everyone who’s supposedly to blame — including the current government for supposedly not adequately addressing the issue in question — and then makes it clear that he is on the side of doing the right thing by average Aussies while never actually offering any detailed or workable answers.

“It also never seems to matter that some of the causes and issues he goes off about were things he had a chance to address when he was second in charge of the entire federal government. That little fact never gets in the way of a Barnaby blast.”

The anonymous government source told The Bug some recent events that might otherwise have prompted a public intervention by Mr Joyce included ongoing rumblings about China’s political and economic actions, the Prime Minister’s statement on boosting defence capability which was clearly linked to China’s behaviour, the variety of responses to the COVID-19 pandemic across the nation and their variable outcomes, and Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese’s recent statement on how to address the ongoing “climate war”.

“Those are just a few of the issues that Barnaby usually can’t wait to mouth off about. But where has he been lately?” the anonymous source said.

“That’s what’s got everyone including me quite puzzled. Maybe don’t put in that last bit ‘about me’. It might help identify me as your ‘anonymous source’. Okay? Go Sharks!”