Nation digs a hole for itself


Plans by the federal and state governments to fast-track billions of dollars in infrastructure spending for shovel-ready projects have hit a major snag – the shovels aren’t ready.

Well, certainly not enough of them up to the job at hand.

Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack is the man responsible for the massive spend as minister for Infrastructure and Transport and Regional Development but a spokesperson admitted to The Bug: “Most of the shovels available in Australia are pretty shitty and don’t last very long before the handles curl and make them really hard to use.

“And that’s just the metal and plastic ones.

“They all come from China and are normally sold in Bunnings,” Eric Olthwaite added rather unnecessary.

“Spear and Jackson shovels are up to the task but sadly their share of the market is fairly small.

“Sure, they’re fairly expensive but buyers stupidly never think about the fact that they last up to four or five times longer than the cheap brands.

The Bug’s research has confirmed that shovel manufacture in Australia finished about the same time as Victa stopped making its own two and four-stroke engines for its lawnmower range and car-making ceased as well.

The two major brands of shovel sold in Australia – Dinki-Di and True Blue – are all made in the twin Chinese cities of Dinki-Di and True Blue, 20-million resident metropolises on either side of the Songhua River in China’s northeastern Heilongjiang province that weren’t there two years ago.