V-P makes the cut

AMERICAN POLITICSUS Vice-President Mike Pence has secured his place as Donald’s Trump running mate for the November elections by undergoing radical sex reassignment surgery and formally changing his name.

Speculation was rife in some parts of the Republic Party in recent weeks that Mr Pence might be dumped from the ticket and replaced with someone with wider voter appeal.

However, observers now believe Mr Pence has cemented his place on the ticket by dramatically changing his public image.

“The President has made no secret of the fact that he is very worried about the problem he has with women voters,” a Republican Party insider said.

“He made it widely known that he would be open to dumping Mike and replacing him with a woman.

“The President also told anyone who’d listen that he wants to stress his law and order credentials in the coming campaign following George Floyd’s death, the subsequent marches and riots, and the ongoing Black Lives Matter campaign.

“Then Mike got wind of what the President was thinking and decided to take action before he was chopped, which is funny because that’s exactly the first thing he had to do — get his dick and balls chopped off.

“Of course in the past four years he’s proved he had no need for either of them, especially his balls.”

The Republican Party insider said Mr Pence had also changed his name by deed poll to match his new sexual identity.

“Mike was pretty clever when picking a new name. He went with Laura Norder which he thought — quite correctly — would appeal to the President.

“It’s given the President a real morale boost and we’re now sure that the Trump-Norder ticket (main picture) has every chance of securing a second term come November.”