Bolts deny team overhaul

bolts dinkus smallerSenior officials of the Brisbane Bolts are refusing to comment on rumours of a mass clean-out in the ranks of its senior players after the team’s devastating loss to the South Sydney Rooters on Thursday night.

When confronted early this morning outside the Oily Palms gentlemen’s club and spa in Fortitude Valley, CEO of the Bolts, Terry Verandah, said the club had no comment to make.

“I don’t have to explain anything to you vomit patches,” Mr Verandah told reporters while swinging wildly at them with a length of hardwood spiked with nails.

“They’re our players and we’ll do what we like with them so you can all go shit in your hands and clap. Now get out of my way, I’m going in to have a spitroast with plenty of gravy. Then I’m off to lunch.”

His comments followed news that the families of 32 Bolts players had lodged missing persons notifications with Queensland Police after their loved ones failed to return home.

Fans of the Bolts who spoke to The Bug on condition of anonymity said they had heard what they believed were gunshots coming from within the team’s Pinkenba training facilities just hours after the team lost to the Rooters 3467.98/000.0.

“A few of us fans had the idea to head out to Pinkenba on Friday morning to see the boys train and try to gee them up after their big defeat the night before,” one fan said.

“But we couldn’t get near the place because security guards were posted outside the grounds and the chain wire fences had all been screened so we couldn’t even see in.

“The only thing we could see was a long line of hearses moving in and out of the grounds and the occasional sound of what I swear was a rifle going off. Probably a 303.

“I took some snaps of the hearses on my mobile phone (main picture) and recorded an exchange with Terry Verandah when he drove out of the gates at the training grounds. He did appear to be agitated and pretty well splattered with blood.”

The Bug has heard the recording in which Mr Verandah tells fans: “Listen fuck-features, I don’t give a rat’s haemmorrhoid if you deadshits are fans. Get your scabby arses out of here and keep schtum or I’ll have you lined up and shot too.”

When confronted with the fan’s recording, Jack Saunders, head coach of the Bolts dismissed suggestions of foul play: “It was just a bit of high-jinks,” he said. “Just some good-natured horseplay.”

DISCLOSURE: The Bug is a major sponsor of the Brisbane Bolts.