Australian medial researchers have discovered an insidious new disease that’s a world first for the most amazing of reasons – unwitting victims can catch it from TV screens!
It’s a mental condition called Sensory Hyperbolic Insensitivity Trigger (SHIT) and the scientists believe it has emerged through the proliferation of reality TV shows of recent years.
“It’s early days yet but we think victims absorb all the hyperbole emitted from their TVs when stations promote their various, so-called reality TV programs,” the PR spokesperson for the research group told The Bug.
“People who contract SHIT have spent too long listening to the shit promotions that Tuesday night’s episode of Leggo Masters will “have the whole of Australia on the edge of their seats” or that the new season of The Voice will uncover “some extraordinary talents that will go to the very top of the world music scene” or the next Australian Ninja Warriors show will “have all of Australia shaking its head in disbelief” or that the next project from Hamish and Andy “might actually be funny”.
“You’ve all heard them. Now, not every viewer contracts SHIT but those who do experience changes to their thought processes whereby they develop a belief that all their senses have developed extraordinary powers, just like the people in the programs being promoted.
“Basically they start to believe their senses of hearing, smell, sight, touch and taste are unmatched by any other person in Australia if not the entire universe.
“SHIT might sound like a rather harmless condition but it’s not. For example, a person required by law to wear glasses while driving might take to the roads without them, believing they can almost see what’s around the corner or over the hill which could prove fatal.
“And relationships can quickly turn to shit, so to speak, when SHIT sufferers becoming frustrated and angry because their partners are unable to also hear, see, smell, touch and taste all the things they think they can now hear, see, smell, touch and taste, even though, when it’s all boiled down to basics, it’s just SHIT.
“News of the emergence of this disease is probably going to stop the entire world in its tracks.
“There won’t be a person on the planet who won’t be totally SHIT-scared,” the spokesperson who used to work in Channel 9 promotions said.