Top scribe’s quick recovery shows spunk

anews in brief dinkus

SYDNEY: Senior Sydney Morning Herald journalist Peter Hartcher has been released from an inner-city private hospital here this morning after his semen-stained pyjamas had to be surgically removed overnight.

It’s understood the paper’s political editor was sitting up in bed last night when the news lobbed on his iPhone that Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s approval rating had reached a record-levelling 68 per cent in Newspoll and that Morrison’s preferred PM margin over Anthony Albanese had also widened by four points to reach a mammoth 56 per cent to 28 per cent.

A doctor in the hospital’s emergency department told The Bug that the senior political scribe’s experience was a cautionary lesson for all men.

“This stuff dries very, very quickly,” he explained. “Mr Hartcher told us he was overcome with excitement with the Newspoll findings and fell asleep almost immediately.

“When he woke up about 2am, he knew he was in real trouble.”

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MELBOURNE: Some of the nation’s most famous church-run private schools have ditched their support for home schooling during the COVID-19 crisis and are now demanding an immediate return to full classroom teaching.

This follows the failure in practice of the much-vaunted virtual buggery software and app the schools had proudly introduced two weeks ago.

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MELBOURNE: Respected ABC journalist David Speers is recovering well in an inner-city private hospital after being admitted late yesterday morning with chronic work fatigue.

An ABC spokesperson said the Insiders anchor had basically worked himself to a standstill as he repeatedly tried to get Labor’s Home Affairs spokesperson Kristina Keneally to admit that neither the federal government nor Australian Border Force were in any way responsible for the Ruby Princess docking disaster in Sydney on March 19.