Soap maker cleans up

anews in brief dinkus

Colgate-Palmolive has reported a mysterious dramatic overnight surge in demand for its Soft Soap products (main picture).

A company spokesperson said the sudden rise in demand began at around 7.30pm Tuesday night and was in addition to the recent strong increase in sales attributed to the coronavirus crisis.

“We are still trying to determine the exact cause of the overnight leap in demand, but we have noted it began almost as soon as the Andrew Bolt interview with Cardinal George Pell began airing on Sky News last night,” the spokesperson said.

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Media analysts have reported the first 10-way tie in history for readership increases among Australian news websites.

The rises, sparked by public interest in coronavirus impacts, have been trumpeted by internet-based news organisations including The Guardian, The Australian, and the Australian Financial Review which all have published stories noting their recent surges in readership and claiming to be the big winner.

“It’s the first time in history when every one of Australia’s top 10 news organisations all claim to be the big winner in the readership stakes,” media researcher Paige Proof told The Bug.

“Unfortunately the latest readership expansion comes at a time advertising is shrinking courtesy of the virus pandemic so in the long run it means fuck all for the long-term future of these same news outlets.”

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Chemist shops around the nation are reporting a mysterious dramatic overnight surge in demand for treatments for acute and chronic diarrhoea.

A Pharmacy Guild of Australia spokesperson said the sudden rise in demand for products such a lomotil tablets began at around 7.30pm Tuesday night and was in addition to the recent strong increase in sales attributed to the coronavirus crisis.

“We are still trying to determine the exact cause of the overnight leap in demand, but we have noted it began almost as soon as the Andrew Bolt interview with Cardinal George Pell began airing on Sky News last night,” the spokesperson said.