Sky host shoots his bolt

anews in brief dinkus

SYDNEY: Sky News has apologised to viewers for airing a live orgasm experienced by commentator Andrew Bolt during its coverage of yesterday’s High Court of Australia decision in the Cardinal George Pell case.

Bolt featured heavily during live coverage of the HCA decision and was noticeably elated at the news that the court had quashed Pell’s conviction.

During a lengthy editorial he presented live Bolt grew increasingly agitated and breathless in recounting his very public support for Pell during his trials and since his now-overturned conviction.

When lambasting Pell’s critics for an alleged “campaign” against the Cardinal and calling for them to apologise, Bolt fell silent for a full 17 seconds and was clearly in a state of physical ecstasy (main picture).

After finishing his commentary Bolt could be heard off-camera asking studio staff for a towel or tissues.

A Sky News spokesperson said it was unfortunate that the incident had gone to air and blamed the ABC.

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SYDNEY: The ABC says it has been stung by criticism of its coverage of Cardinal George Pell and was looking at ways to make amends.

A spokesperson for the ABC said several ideas were being considered.

“Of course an apology is out of the question,” the spokesperson said.

“But we are carefully examining the idea of inviting Cardinal Pell to host a new program to be screened on the ABC which should send a signal to the wider community that he has put his legal woes behind him while also giving him some financial recompense without the ABC having to admit any wrongdoing.

“The program ideas we have come up with so far include having Cardinal Pell host a series on ocean sailing with the working title Throw Me A Buoy.

“We are also looking at a musical talent show focussing on child violinists called Kiddie Fiddlers, and a documentary series titled The Pedder File tracing the history of the creation of Tasmania’s artificial Lake Pedder in the early 1970s.

“We’ll go with one of those ideas or maybe all three,” the spokesperson said. “It’s the least we can do.”

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MELBOURNE: Australia’s plantation timber industry has welcomed the High Court’s ruling in the Pell case.

A spokesperson for the industry’s peak body, the Australian Forest Products Association, said its member growers were set to reap a windfall as a result of the decision.

“On the one hand we have Paul Kelly at The Australian set to write column after column defending and promoting Pell,” the spokesperson said.

“At any time Paul is a great source of support for our plantations because so many of our members’ trees are called up to provide the hectares of paper his columns consume.

“How many more hectares he will write about Pell from now on is anyone’s guess.

“Then we have Andrew Bolt doing the same in the News Corp tabloids around the nation which should underwrite a large slice of plantation output for years.

“The cream on top, of course, is over at the Nine newspapers where David Marr will be furiously covering just about the same space as Kelly and Bolt combined with his withering assessments of Pell and the Catholic Church.

“They say money doesn’t grow on trees, but tell that to our members,” the spokesperson joked.