Virus fight sparks GST revamp

VIRUS DINKUSThe now-deferred 2020-21 Federal Budget will see a major overhaul of the GST as the Morrison Government seeks ways to fend off Australia’s economic collapse in the wake of the coronavirus crisis.

A government insider said a revamped GST was the centerpiece of plans drafted by Australia’s wartime Prime Minister Scott Morrison (main picture) to fund the government’s previously announced and inevitable future economic stimulus packages.

“We’ll be relying heavily on the GST to fund our recovery and stimulus plans, so we’ll be slightly increasing the rate of the tax and giving it a new name to better reflect its purpose,” the insider said.

“The whole plan has been developed by the PM who, as you know, is a marketing genius when it comes to this sort of thing.

“For starters in the Federal Budget in October we’ll be slightly tweaking the GST rate by lifting it from its current 10% to 90%.

“We’ll also be renaming the Goods and Services Tax to the Global Shitstorm Tax.

“This is a tough call and will cause considerable pain and political backlash. But, thanks to the PM, it won’t be the federal government that cops the flak.

“You see, all funds raised by the GST have always gone into a pool which is then shared among state governments.

“The Federal Budget was always going to cop a hit by reimbursing the states for all of the extra spending they’ve undertaken to fight the virus.

“But under the PM’s plan, by using the new and higher GST we as a federal government can offload responsibility and blame the states and territories for the extra financial pain people will suffer.

“So once the the Federal Budget comes down with the new GST both the PM and Treasurer and every other Minister and Coalition MP will be out of the blocks quick-smart blaming the states for  the new tax burden.

“What did I tell you? Genius, huh? At the same time our own Federal Budget can be kept safe and sound for essential funding allocations, like sports grants to marginal seats and massive amounts to our profiteer private mates as we flog off more stuff that unionised public servants used to do.”

The insider said the Prime Minister was also devising marketing plans for other new revenue measures to be announced in the Federal Budget including the scrapping of share franking credits, ending negative gearing on investment properties, and a death tax.