Keeping it up with the Joneses


Australia’s most revered and best loved media communicator has reacted angrily to claims that his downplaying of the Coronavirus pandemic is putting countless Australian lives at grave risk, especially the elderly.

2GB’s Alan Jones has used an exclusive interview with The Bug to not only double down on his controversial comments this time last week that Corona was “the health version of global warming” but to threaten legal action against those making “hurtful and defamatory claims against me”.

When the veteran broadcaster also told his largely elderly fanbase back then: “Exaggeration in almost everything” it sparked widespread criticism.

Mr Jones told The Bug he was considering legal action against the likes of 9 commentator Peter FitzSimons who has called for Jones to be sacked over “a consistent Jones theme he has sounded for days that the whole coronavirus thing is overblown. The inevitable result? Many of his elderly listeners will not take the precautions they need to and that will have the most devastating consequences imaginable”.

Here are the key points of The Bug‘s interview, conducted from the security gates outside the broadcaster’s estate at Fitzroy Falls in the Southern Highlands region south of Sydney.

tape recorder

Jones: Please tell me you washed your hands with the sanitiser dispenser you can see there before pressing my button?

The Bug: Of course. We’ve heard you’re terrified that an infected finger could press your button.

Jones: What do you want? I’m due back on air soon.

The Bug: Can we come in and do this face to face?

Jones: I don’t think that would be very wise.

The Bug: Social distancing?

Jones: My three rottweilers actually.

The Bug: Okay. How can you be so sure this coronavirus media coverage is overblown?

Jones: I take my need to inform my listeners with the very best of accurate information very very seriously. So naturally I’ve studied up intensely on the pandemic, just as I’ve done over the years with this global warming nonsense.alanjones talks

The Bug: By reading all the available scientific and medical evidence as it becomes available?

Jones: Donald Trump interviews with Fox News mainly. And anything Peter Gleeson says on Sky News here. And Ray Hadley and Ben Fordham, of course.

The Bug: You have no concerns at all that your comments could put your listeners at risk, perhaps even dying?

Jones: I’ll give you a 100 per cent guarantee right now that none of my listeners will die of this coronavirus nonsense.

The Bug: How can you be so sure?

Jones: It’s my demography and I know most of my listeners personally. They’ll all die of old age or natural causes before this alleged virus could even get close to them.

The Bug: If you think it’s a nonsense, why are you broadcasting your radio program from here?

Jones: My Rollers broke down. Both of them.

The Bug: And your Beamer?

Jones: In for a service.

The Bug: Fair enough. But Mr Jones, please don’t be offended by this but you’re no spring chicken yourself and you’re well into the most vulnerable age group. In fact, you do sound a little croaky and sniffley this morning.

Jones: : Nonsense. I’m fighting fit. I’m just a little emotional at the moment because I’ve lost my latest personal aide.

The Bug: Your butt-ler?

Jones: Oooh, you bitch! I see what you’ve done there.

The Bug: Sorry, cheap shot. We won’t do it again.

Jones: But, yes, my butler’s sudden withdrawal of his services has shocked me greatly. He’s left a gaping hole.  He only gave me notice yesterday.

The Bug: In writing?

Jones: Orally. That’s always the best way.

The Bug: You do seem to have some difficulty keeping your butlers in position? Did the latest man servant reach his use-by date?

Jones: What can I say? These young ‘uns run rings around me all the time. it’s hard to keep on top of them. Are we finished?

The Bug: Yes, we’ve just about exhausted all the double entendres we wanted to use.