Watchdog stymies name-change


A proposal to rebrand Catholic Church schools across Australia by switching them all to a single uniform name has fallen foul of the nation’s consumer watchdog.

The multi-million-dollar plan to have all Catholic schools known by a single name is expected to cost the church millions of dollars as it is progressively implemented over the next 12 months.

But the plan has been delayed and now faces a major cost blowout following a decision by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) to veto the name put forward by church officials.

A Catholic Church spokesperson said the name-change had been designed to address past and ongoing negative publicity about the church’s schools.

“We thought if we renamed all Catholic schools in Australia using a single name we might be able to leave the negative connotations behind us,” the spokesperson said.

“But  the ACCC has skewered our preferred name, Saint Nothing to See Here.

“We were planning to rename all our educational establishments as Saint Nothing to See Here’s Primary School or Saint Nothing to See Here’s College and the like.

“But the Commission insisted that our preferred name did not pass its truth-in-product-description test.

“The church’s lawyers have been negotiating back and forth with the ACCC and we have finally arrived at a compromise and we can now start rebranding all Catholic Church schools using the name Saint Paedo’s.

“A lot of our schools have been tarred by the brush of bad publicity for various reasons in recent years and we really hope a new name for all of them will give us a fresh start,” the spokesperson said.