Holden on to a name

The shock announcement that the brand name Holden will disappear from Australia’s motoring landscape has been greeted with disbelief and dismay. But, as usual, The Bug’s financial and investment adviser has a plan to address the issue.

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Dear Morrie

I am honestly having trouble writing this because I am so upset by the news that Holden will disappear from the Australian market as announced by its American parent company yesterday. This isn’t a request for financial advice in the traditional sense. I just need someone to help explain to me why this tragic decision has been taken and what diehard Holden fans like me can do to absorb the bad news and move on with our lives.

Shocked
Brisbane

Dear Shocked

It would be an understatement to say I too was shocked and upset by this appalling news. What true blue Australian wouldn’t be?

As everyone knows, and as story after story in the last 24 hours have proved, Holden is an integral part of our nation and an essential element of Australia’s character and identity.

Sure, the company that made Holden cars here for decades was ultimately owned by the Yanks, and admittedly the original Holden launched by good old Ben Chifley was based on a US design.

But over the years since then generation after generation of Aussies took Holden to their hearts and it became a genuine icon of our country.

Everyone has a tale to tell about the Holden v Ford rivalry they lived and breathed as a kid. Plus when we were old enough to drive ourselves many of us chose a second-hand Holden as our preferred conveyance.

I know I did and I kept buying them model after model once I had an income stream that meant I could afford to trade up from a used EH Special, to an almost-new HK Kingswood, then later a HQ Statesman, and then every model of the top-line luxury Commodore that GMH released (main picture).

Now in the past decade or so we’ve seen the Holden presence on our roads diluted somewhat as buyers turned off the traditional family sedans and embraced four-wheel drives and so-called SUVs.

But the Holden name lived on, and it will continue to live on if I have anything to do with it. You see, I have hatched a plan to buy the Holden name off its US parents, General Motors.

My idea is that if we own the name we will be in a good position to encourage another car maker to apply it to a locally made car at some time in the future.

We didn’t seem to mind that Holdens were actually made by an American outfit, so I reckon Aussies won’t mind if their beloved roaring lion motoring badge is returned to our roads on the side of a vehicle made by, say, our good friends the Chinese or some other cashed-up investor nation.

Now I admit that my plan to buy the Holden name will likely take a fair bit of moolah.

So I’m asking Holden lovers like you to kick in a few quid to help get my plan off the ground.

If you want to help, just send a donation — one or two Ks at the bare minimum — to my new fund and I’ll get things moving at my end.

Send a cheque to me via The Bug and make it out to C’mon Aussies, Save Holden.

Bugger it, to save your time and mine, just make it out to CASH.

I’ll be in touch.

Morrie

Morrie Bezzle is director of General Motors Hold-on Hand Grips Pty Ltd, CEO of FJ BJs mobile sex services, and executive director of General Moaters Aquatic Home Security Systems Pty Ltd.