Shocked Twitter veteran in hospital


One of Australia’s longest – and oldest – users of Twitter is slowly recovering in a Wollongong hospital after being treated for acute shock over some terrible things she saw on the popular social networking service yesterday morning.

Widow and grandmother of seven, Ima Pedant, 72, has been using Twitter regularly in the 12 years since she sought early retirement as a teacher of English at various schools on the NSW South Coast.

“I just couldn’t believe my eyes,” Ima told The Bug by telephone late last night.

“Tweet after tweet on my feed shocked me to my very core. I was shaking like a leaf, then got light-headed and the paramedics told me I must have blacked out.

“I think I counted at least 12 tweets in a row where every word was spelled – and used -correctly and every sentence made sense, even allowing for some dodgy abbreviations that many on my Twitter feed are prone to. I meant, of course, to which they’re prone.

“Every apostrophe was used correctly, there was no “there’ and ‘their’ or ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ or ‘quiet’ and ‘quite’ or ‘rein and reign’ confusion, nothing at all I could pick up. No words left out or misspelt. Sentences were constructed logically. Verbs were in the right tense and properly conjugated. And the arguments expressed were logical and concise and based on fact, for goodness sake.

“I really thought someone had hacked into my laptop and was playing a mean trick on me.”

Mrs Pedant admitted her Twitter feed was largely left-wing and because her late husband Norm had been a long-time journalist at the South Coast Register in Nowra, many of the people she followed were current mainstream reporters and commentators.

“So naturally a lot of their tweets are garbled and confused and not only late at night.

“But at least I can still understand what most of them are trying to say. And then along came all these tweets this morning that made perfect sense and I didn’t have to interpret anything at all or make allowances for the fact that so many of them never had the education I received.

“Still, I should be thankful. You can only imagine what the Twitter feed of Pauline Hanson, Craig Kelly and Jim Molan must be like.”

Ms Pedant added that Twitter was not quite as much fun since Dennis Atkins and Malcolm Farr retired from writing for News Corps papers.

“Some of their tweets over the years were absolute doozies,” she explained,”especially in the early hours after a long, long week in Canberra.”