US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS:
The Democrats are viewing their technical and computer hitches in the Iowa caucuses as a blessing in disguise as they have proved the catalyst for a vastly improved tilt for the presidency in November.
And the reason for the Dems’ growing confidence, according to a party insider? It has forced a complete reassessment of every aspect of the animatronic Bernie Sanders they’ll be using in the campaign proper against incumbent Donald Trump.
“We’ve stripped Bernie down, checked all the computer boards and their linkages to Bernie’s outer skin (above) and we’re confident he can get through a gruelling almost four-month campaign after the party’s nomination convention in July in Wisconsin,” the party insider said.
“While we can never be completely sure when the real Bernie Sanders will die of old age, we’re ripped and ready to go with our own Bernie when he does.
“We’ve even made some software changes that will make the new Bernie appear even less robotic in campaign stops and debates than the dead one.”