Barnaby grabs Greens leadership

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Sensational developments in Canberra today have seen former National Party leader Barnaby Joyce elected to lead the Australian Greens.

In a day of confusion both the National Party and Greens held party room meetings to consider their leadership teams.

It is understood that Mr Joyce accidentally attended the Greens party room meeting by mistake instead of a nearby meeting of Nationals MPs.

Greens MPs were stunned when Mr Joyce entered their meeting and immediately launched into a blustering, spitting, red-faced, eyeball-popping tirade which they took some minutes to determine was his speech supporting his self-nomination for the party’s leadership.

“It was quite confronting, frightening even,” said South Australian Senator Sarah Hanson Young after the meeting broke up and Mr Joyce emerged as the party’s new leader.

“It threw all of us off balance. We had just finished lighting the last of our incense sticks and declaring what pronouns each of us would be using during the meeting when the door was thrown open and Barnaby strode in.

“He just started ranting and raving about himself and his reputation as an outstanding retail politician.

“He spared no details in admitting to his past personal indiscretions  and at one stage put his hands down his pants and produced his penis, waved it around, and pledged that ‘BJ Junior’ as he called it wouldn’t be making the decisions this time around if he were chosen as leader.

“We were all so shocked by it all that he ended up being the only nomination and took the leadership without a ballot being held,” the Senator said.