A livid Queensland Premier Anna Palaszczuk has launched a savage attack on world media mogul Rupert Murdoch saying he should “go fuck himself with a rubber hose!”
“And if that morally bankrupt, ethically bereft, greed-driven, flaccid-arsed, increasingly demented, far-right-wing, octogenarian Yank cunt thinks he’s going to get one more red advertising cent out of my government, then can you all please tell the demented old retard he’s fucking dreaming.”
Ms Palaszczuk’s shock, obscenity-laden comments came at a hastily convened media pack outside her southside Brisbane home after she had taken in today’s front-page of The Sunday Mail (pictured).
The NewsCorp Australia paper’s splash has state Opposition Leader Deb Frecklington slamming the Queensland Premier for being more interested in how she looks than running the state properly.
Ms Frecklinton, who has three daughters, called the Premier a “princess”, attacked her for her makeup and designer labels and callously referred to the fact that she has never had children.
Ms Palaczczuk told the media scrum: “Am I fucking angry? You fuckin’ betcha, I am!
“Firstly, here’s something I should have fucking done back in February 2015 when I rolled that fucking lightweight hairless prick Campbell “Couldn’t Do” Newman.
“All government advertising with the Courier and Sunday Mails cuts out, right here, right fucking now.”
Holding up her fists in a boxing pose, the Premier said: “How do you like them apples, Rupe? C’mon, you festering old turd. You dessicated despot. Give me your best shot!
“It’s clear you’re directing your two Brisbane shitsheets to be even more vehemently biased against me and my government in the lead-up to the October 31 election next year than they were up to and during the last two state election campaigns, even though it’s hard to believe that’s possible, isn’t it, you dreadful sadsack of a horrorhead?
“So, pow, pow!” Ms Palaszczuk shouted, air punching with both fists, “It’s fight on to the death, Rupe, you dreadful, awful sick fuck of a disgraced media mongrel.”
Calming herself down and smoothing her lovely new designer-label skirt, Ms Palaszczuk also:
Vowed to shut down the Adani coalmine and block any mining lease application by “that repulsive, anti-worker fat prick Palmer”; adding “I’m going to bang on so much about the need to battle climate change, shut down coal exports and find jobs for the displaced miners that even Jackie ‘Saddlebags’ Trad might hold her seat despite her best efforts”;
Apologised for going “all Bjelke-Petersen” over street protests, saying legislation with jail terms for climate change and other street-march activists would be scrapped as ‘totally un-Labor Party like’;
Pledged to fast-track a state-owned print and online newspaper network yet one with an independent panel led by respected jschool director, Professor John Henningham, to ensure its fairness and professionalism; and
Vowed to wipe the floor with Ms Frecklington on election day next year, hopefully “ruining the shitty ill-fitting Target dress the scrawny bitch will no doubt be wearing on the day.”
Leading once more with an imaginary left, right, left combination, the Premier added: “I want, finally, to apologise to my fellow Queenslanders for being wishy-washy and all over the place of late.
“I got conned by that bullshit Courier front page after the May federal election showing what fate awaited me if the voting patterns in Queensland were replicated across state electorates.
“What a crock of shit!”
Patting her own ample derriere, the Premier added: “I can’t believe I cacked my own daks over that bullshit beatup!
“But no more, hey! I know it’s an enormous risk in the 21st Century for a pollie to be open and honest with voters and actually stand for fucking something instead of listening to what poll-driven morons tell me but, fuck it, I’m going to give it a try!
“So come on, Rupe, you rabid right-wing rotter! Ding! Ding! Ding! Let the real round one begin. Let’s fucking rumble!”
Ms Palaszczuk then invited all journalists other than those who work for News Corp Australia and 7’s Sunrise in for “a lovely post-Chrissy fry-up” before setting her two pet Rottweilers onto a stunned Renee Viellaris and Steve Wardill who were left standing alone on the footpath outside.